You Know You're a Gym Weenie If........

1. Wearing a belt as soon as you come out of the locker room and from then on through their entire workout, EVEN WHEN THEY GET A DRINK, I've seen guys wearing them doing forearms, tricep pushdowns, ...unbelievable

2. Screaming ,yelling at your partner

3. Dudes in spandex, never

4. Filling up an entire water bottle at the fountain, while other's are waiting

5. Curling on squat rack or cage.

6. Tight tank tops on guys.

7. Cell phones, pagers, etc.

8. Giving someone the wrong advice , REAL loud so everyone can listen. I hear some guys telling other guys, some thing that Ripley's believe it or not would be like "no way"

9. Taking someone else's weights or bench, when they go for a drink I can't tell you how many times I have gone to get a drink , come back, and someone else is on my bench, or has my weights.

10. Buying supplements from the gym

11. Listening to the high school aged trainer at the gym

Roger Hendrix's WEENIE LIST!!!

Beware all weenie infractions listed below, though they may resemble you, your friends or workout partners, do not necessarily mean you are being targeted. This list is for fun only!ANYONE who complains shall be deemed a gym weenie and shall be forever banished toweeniedom for the rest of said whiner's natural, pitiful life. Drum roll pleeeeeaaaazzzzzzzzz....

You know you're a gym weenie if

1) You wear gloves.

2) You wear a headband.

3) You wear leg warmers (then you're a fruit too!).

4) You wear any sock color other than white.

5) You wear socks that extend above the knee.

6) You wear no socks and have blinding white ankles.

7) You wear a lifting belt that is 1/8" thick, 18" wide in the back, 2" wide in the front, with a label somewhere that says, 'K-mart', 'Big 5', 'Toys R Us', etc....

8) You workout in the same CLOTHES you worked in all day...and you are a concreteworker...then wear the same clothes to work in the morning...

9) You workout in the same SHOES you work in, play in, hike in....

10) Your shirt says 'Big Dog' somewhere on it.

11) Your pants say 'Big Dog' " " ".

12) Your gym bag says 'Big Dog' " " .

13) Your neck, ankles, calves and biceps are all the same size....

14) You buy your supplements from the front counter of your gym.

15) You buy your workout clothes from " " " " ".

16) You buy your water from the gym's vending machine for $3 per quart.

17) Your gym bag, for equipment, carries a milk jug, one lock and a bottle of Aqua Velva (doubles as deodorant AND a babe magnet).

18) You get out of your car slumped over, shuffle your feet, until within sight of the treadmill window, then you walk with a PLS (permanent lat spread).

19) You get 6 month's worth of tanning with your 30-day tanning coupon.

20) 5 days a week you do chest, arms and triceps.

21) 0 days a week you do legs, back and calves.

22) 7 days a week at work you talk about all the gains you're making.

23) 7 days a week in the gym you complain about the lack of gains you're making.

24) Your personal trainer fees each month are the equivalent of the sum total of your house and car payment.

25) You have to take out a personal loan for your personal trainer fees.

26) For supplements, you buy everything in bottle quantities of 60 caps or less for $70 or more.

27) You buy supplements that say 'Joe Weider'(or GNC, 24 Hour Fitness, Bally's, etc.) on thebottle/package somewhere.

28) After 6 months, you buy supplements out of a trainer's trunk that say 'Joe Weider'(or GNC)for twice as much(price label torn off) because they say powerful things on the label like,"TURBO", followed by words like 'Nor', 'Ano', 'DHEA', 'Ripped', 'Thermo', 'Siberian', Chinese','Extract', 'Lean', 'Andro', 'Tribulus', 'HMB', etc.

29) You bench with a 24", or less, grip and you're not working tri's.

30) You do 1/8-1/4 squats (if any) with the bar riding up somewhere below the earlobes, feet 12" apart, chest to the knees....before putting plates on the bar...

31) You do plates raises that alternate hitting you in the ass, then the knees....because THAT's the way the TRAINER taught you!

32) You do cable pressdowns from arms extended overhead until hitting your knees....because THAT's " " " "!

33) You sit, stand, lie, and kneel, on the piece of equipment, between your 17 sets, especially if you have a good view of the girls on the Stairmaster/treadmill.

34) For your membership, you bought the 'Gold' plan, i.e. $1500 down, $150 per month, and thenthe next week, lifetime memberships are sold for $0 down, $10 per month.

35) You discovered that your 'Gold' plan didn't include out of town gyms, aerobics, swimming, racquetball, free weights, cable weights, resistance equipment, sauna, shower, tanning, parking,locker, etc., UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A PERSONAL TRAINER.

36) You can bench 300 lbs on the smith machine but only 95 lbs with free weights.

37) You can squat 1500 lbs (4ö ROM) on the leg press but only 185 lbs to parallel with free weights.

38) You ask a trainer, "When I'm squatting heavy, say, with 185 lbs, do I include mybodyweight?"

39) You tell every high-schooler at the gym that you are a former champion bodybuilder/powerlifter yet can't name the federation or dates you competed in when a real lifter calls you on it.

40) You have a Rolodex full of excuses of why you don't squat or deadlift.

41) You warn everyone about how bad free weights are for you yet praise every new machine

that claims to feel just like free weights.

42) One word superslow

43) You claim that everyone who benches more than 250lbs (with free weights) is obviously juiced.

44) (related to above) you spend hours walking through the aisles of your supermarket looking for this magical juice that everyone is talking about.

45) You claim that everyone who uses steroids is a cheater and loser, yet you run out and buy every new supplement that is supposed to work just like steroids.

46) You get upset when people are squatting in the power rack, which prevents you from doing your bicep curls.

47) People are surprised to hear that you've been working out for the past 10 years.

48) You can't understand why training arms for 2 hours a day, 3 days a week for the past month hasn't packed on the mass.

49) You do BP reps to within 8" of your chest (that's how coach taught it in high school) but if the bar drifts 1/2" lower, the full 135 lb bar comes crashing down.

50) You tell everyone that you can bench 300 but your reps (2 man rows) have not built up your chest at all but your spotter has a world-class set of traps.

51) A serious lifter asks you for a spot with a very heavy negative rep. He tells you to help lift the weight after a short pause at the bottom. After a 10 SECOND pause, you're still leaning overand yelling, "It's ALL YOU MAN! ..LOCK IT OUT!!!"

52) You use the smith machine to do any exercise!

53) You don't know the difference between weightlifters, bodybuilders, and powerlifters.

54) You ask people stupid questions while they are lifting.

55) You think soy protein is just as good as whey protein.

56) You never remove or adjust the Velcro weightlifting belt that you bought at the local sporting goods store.

57) You wear running shoes to squat with.

58) You lift weights between games of "bball."

59) You don't do any compound movements, but spend hours doing "iso's."

60) You bench press with either foot off the ground.

61) MOST WEENIE TRAIT YOU TALK ON YOUR DAMNED CELL PHONE WHILEWORKING OUT,.or anywhere within the confines of the gym, INCLUDING the locker room, sauna, etc.

62) Squatting with a piece of padded material on your back large enough to double as an RV tarp.

63) You do any "2-man" anything exercises, such as 2-man curls, 2-man rows (bench press), 2-man dumbbell flys (18+ forced reps beyond failure), 2-man pull-ups (one does 1/4 bodyweight pull-ups, partner does the other 3/4ths), 2-man cable curls (with 40 lbs or less, partner nearly lifts you off the floor with help while the weenie screams in agony), and any other 2-man crap.....

64) You wear knee wraps (on your knees) to bench press, leg press, overhead press, press your shirts/pants....ANYTHING other than doing squats or walkouts.

65) You frequent ANY fitness web site forum pertaining to weightlifting (PL, OL, BB) and slam others whose jocks you couldn't carry, even with wrist straps, attack others while never adding anything of substance

A sure sign a lifter has weenie legs is that while he may be wearing a spaghetti strap tank top he'll be wearing spandex, ankle-length, AND sweat pants or parachute pants over top of them.

Even most of the bodybuilders in my gym wear long pants to hide their weenie legs and girl calves, while showing off their upper body. I've been a member of my gym since the day it opened and have rarely seen a bodybuilder do a set of back squats to parallel. When they do they wear 9 meter knee wraps over 2 pairs of sweats, a 10 lb plate under each heel and a 'Big Dog' 12" high-in-the-back-2"-high-in-the-front weight belt with a 'Superman' insignia in the back (this is true! a guy in my gym wears one!).

Fun to watch though. Gives us something to laugh about.

Mike Gartland

Fortunately most Weenies or Mullets will have disappeared by March/April (if the last that long). Then they spend the rest of year coming in for a solid two weeks and disappearing again for four weeks (and so the cycle goes).

Do-rags or stocking caps, Spandex, gloves, grunting (loudly) so everyone knows they’re working hard, Preacher Curling like there’s no tomorrow, couldn’t tell you what a box squat was but could definitely tell you about the benefits of “forced reps” on the bench press, wearing the same kind of shoes Craig Titus wears, doing the same arm workout as Ronnie Coleman, man I love the leg -press machine, I don’t put my feet on the floor when I bench press, dang where are all the women tonight, I don’t want to get huge I just want to tone, my legs get enough work on the treadmill, man did you see the strongman competition on TV those guys are fat, I like my hair cut short because it makes me look bigger, the whole bit.

Tom, In CT

The biggest gym weenies always work out in jeans, tank tops, and work boots. They always have one special workout, usually on Friday before they go to the nightclubs, that is totally devoted to "blasting" the arms. The first part of the workout is going to the squat rack and asking a squatter how many sets he has left. While the squatter completes his sets, the gym weenie warms up with a conversation about how he doesn't do squats because they are bad for the knees and prefers leg presses. Another favorite warmup of the gym weenie is to stare down the one decent looking girl on a treadmill untill she realizes that she'd be happier at the all women's gym. After the squatter leaves, the gym weenie starts his barbell curls. Invariable he gets a couple 45 lb plates on the bar and does some herky jerky curls (reverse grip hang cleans?) and is motivated by a partner that calls him a "pussy" and shouts "Get serious, its arms day!!". After some back wrenching barbell curls, its time for forced rep dumbell curls. The forced rep dumbell curl isn't effective unless your struggle with the dumbell is as prolonged as an arm wrestling match between equally matched competitors. Now you have to do a little assistance work. The gym weenie does the seated curl with his elbow against his knee so he can "isolate his bicep peak". Of course the gym weenie doesn't want to forget the triceps. That is why it is important to do one rep forced french presses followed by achingly prolonged high blood pressure inducing negatives. The gym weenie completes arms day with the tricep cable pull down. These don't work unless there is a mirror on the side where the gym weenie can give the "you know you want me baby" look. The gym weenie "arms day" workout isn't complete without a bottle or two of a drink with a name like "Massive Mass Explosion". The contents of which are something along the lines of 90 grams of protein and another 90 grams of sugar. After "arms day" the gym weenie goes to the locker room, puts on some deodorant, cologne, and new form fitting t shirt. The gym weenie is now ready to hit the nightclubs.